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<title>Tell me every terrible thing you ever did (and let me love you anyway) by Stardustwrites17</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29491512">Tell me every terrible thing you ever did (and let me love you anyway)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stardustwrites17/pseuds/Stardustwrites17'>Stardustwrites17</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Be still (my beating heart) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Boys In Love, Caring Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, King Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Kissing, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin Bingo, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Protective Arthur, Scared Merlin (Merlin), Soft Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Witch Hunters, Witch Hunts, but merlin does suffer a bit the poor guy, but not really bc Arthur knows, not a big one mind you</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:14:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,220</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29491512</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stardustwrites17/pseuds/Stardustwrites17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I love you,” Merlin whispered it like a promise, like a prayer.<br/>It was Arthur’s job to protect Merlin, even from himself. So he wrapped his arms around Merlin’s neck, resting his forehead against his. Merlin’s eyes were wide, vulnerable and scared. Arthur swore he would do anything to keep Merlin from being scared ever again.<br/>“Well then, why don’t you tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway?”</p><p>...</p><p>For my merlin bingo: witch-hunt.<br/>In which a witch-hunt takes place in Camelot, Arthur worries for Merlin's safety and Merlin worries for his secrets.<br/>Arthur knows. Merlin doesn't know he knows.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Be still (my beating heart) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2184279</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>527</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Merlin Bingo</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Tell me every terrible thing you ever did (and let me love you anyway)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I had this idea somewhere in that thing I call a brain and then I got my merlin bingo card and I decided to use the witch-hunt square.<br/>A huge thanks to my friend min-sugar-7 in tumblr for proof-reading this, you're the best!<br/>I hope you like this lovelies.</p><p>Title from the quote by Sade Andria Zabala.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Arthur was worried about Merlin. That wasn’t new; he was constantly worried about his ridiculous unsubtle sorcerer, with him constantly doing magic in public and somehow never getting caught. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that Arthur was King, he wanted to lift the magic ban. But progress was slow, especially since he was still inexperienced and his reign was barely a year old. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur noted how Merlin tripped over his own feet even more than usual, how a loud unexpected sound made him flinch, how he hunched over himself when in public, looking smaller than he was. Arthur was pretty sure he knew what had brought this on. Every year, a witch-hunt would take place. It was Uther’s attempt to get rid of any sorcerers that might’ve popped up throughout the year. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Last year there hadn’t been one, mostly because the kingdom had been mourning the loss of their king and so the witch-hunt had been cancelled. Its purpose was more traditional than anything— it put people’s minds at ease. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur had tried to cancel the witch-hunt this year too, but the councilmen hadn’t thought it wise. With the threat of Morgana, people were scared now more than ever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so the witch-hunt had begun three days ago, and during that time Merlin had become more and more withdrawn, more silent. Arthur hated it. He hated that Merlin (brilliant, funny, ridiculously </span>
  <em>
    <span>wonderful</span>
  </em>
  <span> Merlin) had to hide in fear. How many sorcerers had died on the pyre in front of Merlin in all his years in Camelot? How many times had he, himself, barely escaped from being caught? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His thoughts came to a stop when the door to his chambers opened to reveal Merlin carrying his lunch tray. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re late,” Arthur said in a form of greeting. Merlin grinned at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I’m not late, maybe you’re early.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re definitely late-” he shut up when Merlin leaned down to place a chaste kiss on his lips. He grinned into the kiss, unable to keep up the annoyed act any longer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m starving,” he complained. When Merlin tried to move away, Arthur stopped him, grabbing him by the waist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold on.” He didn’t whine, but it was close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s just no pleasing you sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur grinned lazily, leaning forward to kiss him again. His lunch could wait. Merlin’s hands were in his hair, his fingers running through the blond strands as he scrambled to sit on his lap. Arthur let out a content hum as he gripped Merlin’s hips to stabilize him. His lips travelled to Merlin’s neck, kissing his Adam’s apple before moving to his earlobe. But then Merlin broke the kiss, quickly scrambling to his feet to stand beside him as he grabbed the plate from the tray and set the table in front of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Arthur could protest, there was a knock on the door, and Arthur called whoever it was to come in. He shared an annoyed look with Merlin, who simply looked amused, if only a bit flustered as he stepped back to stand behind Arthur. His lips were swollen and red, but his smile slipped from his face when he saw who it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” Arthur tried not to sound too cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve searched every servant’s chamber, my lord. Nothing.” Arthur nodded in satisfaction (and relief). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything else?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The witchfinder looked nervous as he hesitated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The only room we haven’t searched is the physician’s chambers, my lord, he wouldn’t let us in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s because I told him not to let you in,” Arthur responded, cutting off a piece of his steak, trying to look nonchalant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My lord-” the witchfinder started to protest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gaius was already accused of sorcery once, and he was found innocent. I won’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>risk</span>
  </em>
  <span> the man being mistaken for a sorcerer again. He’s a loyal member of my household and I will not let his integrity be questioned again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The witchfinder’s eyes flicked over to Merlin behind him. Arthur restrained himself from stepping sideways to block Merlin from the witchfinder’s gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about him, my lord?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur dared to turn around to look at Merlin. He looked pale, the tense line of his shoulders meant he was terrified. To anyone else, he might’ve simply looked confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin?” He tried to sound incredulous as he looked forward again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He lives with the physician, I’ve been told.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’ve informed yourself so well, you must know Merlin has my full trust. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>he would never betray me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sounded cool, a little </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> strained maybe; but he could hear Merlin’s shaky breathing behind him and all he wanted to do was to get Merlin away from that man as soon as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, is that all?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The witchfinder bowed as he said, “yes, thank you, my lord,” and made to exit the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One more thing,” Arthur called, “please inform the guards to not let anyone in until I say so. I have important things to attend to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The witchfinder nodded and bowed once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment the door closed, Arthur turned to his important thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin looked as if he’d seen a ghost, eyes wide and pupils dilated in terror. He was trying not to breathe too fast, but his efforts only made his shaky breaths stand out even more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin,” Arthur called gently, standing up. Merlin’s eyes snapped to him, visibly struggling to get himself under control. Arthur leaned forward and placed his hand on Merlin’s nape, feeling the skin cold and clammy. His fingers brushed over the thin scar there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Breathe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Merlin,” Arthur reminded him, pushing hair away from his eyes. Merlin let out a grunt of frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>breathing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breathe </span>
  <em>
    <span>slower.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin swallowed forcefully, the muscles in his neck tight with the effort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t the first time he’d seen Merlin like this. They both had wounds that hadn’t healed right. With time and patience, they had both learned how to deal with each other when their old wounds opened up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur embraced the taller man, his arms surrounding his waist as Merlin dropped his head on his shoulder. He was shaking, trembling from head to toe as he clutched the back of Arthur’s tunic in his fists. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” he spoke in a strangled voice, obviously tight with tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you are,” Arthur responded, a little sadly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, his breathing slowed, but he didn’t stop shaking, not completely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's just, with what happened with Gaius-“ Merlin tried to excuse himself, but Arthur cut him off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin-,” his breath hitched, Arthur’s heart twisted, “-if there’s something else, just know, I wouldn’t-“ he swallowed. He was rubbish with these things, but he continued nonetheless. “-I wouldn’t hold it against you, I’d never hurt you, you know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t a question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin stepped back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-wait,” he had gone pale once again, making his red kiss-swollen lips stand out more than ever. God, Arthur wanted to kiss him again, to forget this entire conversation had ever happened. “You know about-“ his breathing picked up once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s panicking. </span>
  </em>
  <span>A helpful voice whispered in his ear, </span>
  <em>
    <span>do something. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve known for a long time, Merlin.” That didn't seem to help. At all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When?” Arthur huffed out a humorless laugh. His chest felt tight. Merlin sounded desperate, slightly horrified. Arthur forced himself to remain calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ironically, it was something my father said. He once told me I seemed to have a guardian angel by my side… At first, I dismissed it, but eventually I started paying attention. Tree branches fell on bandits’ heads out of nowhere, roots appeared in front of enemy feet, I somehow managed to survive a deadly illness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hands, gripping them tightly. Merlin wouldn’t take his eyes off him, looking scared, tears in his eyes. Arthur wanted to kiss them away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somewhere along the way, I realized, you were always beside me. My guardian angel of golden eyes,” he squeezed Merlin’s hands, and felt the warlock squeeze back. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to take away your choice, I-I didn’t want to put you in that position.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin only kept staring at him, blue eyes amplified by the tears that now fell freely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Merlin stayed silent, Arthur prompted him, a little fearfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin?” He reached over and wiped a tear away from his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin started, shaking his head a little before stammering out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I need a minute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur stepped back and raised his hands in mock surrender. He turned away and sat down. He thought he wouldn’t be able to keep anything down, but nevertheless, he started eating his stake once more. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>quite hungry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minutes passed, he had practically finished his lunch and he wondered how long-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur turned around, fuming as the back of his head throbbed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should’ve told me, you arse!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin sounded angry, but there was a gleeful note in his voice that gave Arthur the strength to snap back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could’ve told </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you would kill me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Merlin, because I’m known for just </span>
  <em>
    <span>killing</span>
  </em>
  <span> my lovers-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was interrupted when Merlin grabbed him and kissed him. When they broke apart, Arthur tried (keyword: tried) to sound reproachful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m your King, Merlin, you can’t keep on interrupting me like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like it,” Merlin grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur did, but damn him if he recognized it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of responding, Arthur kissed him again, his hands moving up to rest on Merlin’s neck. Merlin grinned into the kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop smiling, I can’t kiss you properly” Arthur muttered, not bothering to open his eyes. Merlin grinned against his mouth again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, it’s just…“ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he couldn’t find the words, so instead, he pulled Arthur closer, his hands traveling down…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur broke the kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s my schedule for the evening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin thought about it for a moment</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s pretty much empty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur grinned at him, trailing kisses down his neck and then making his way up to his ear. At Merlin’s gasp, a spark ignited in his chest, warming him all over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard the door lock itself with a click, when he looked up, the gold in Merlin’s eyes were fading away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometime later, they found themselves on Arthur’s bed, with Merlin’s head pressed against Arthur’s chest and tucked under his chin. Arthur ran a hand up a down Merlin’s naked arm, enjoying the feeling of Merlin’s hair tickling his chin.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The peace didn’t last long, Arthur could tell— by Merlin’s shifting, by the way he was a little too tense— that dark thoughts were spinning around in his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop it,” he told him, slapping his arm lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop what?” He asked innocently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re thinking. You know that’s not good for you.” The joke did nothing to ease Merlin’s nerves. He stayed silent for a moment before he spoke, voice small and fearful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you want this? With me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve clearly missed the point of the last half hour,” Arthur drawled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin sat up, and reluctantly Arthur sat up too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arthur… I’ve done some things… with my magic-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Merlin.” Merlin shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Arthur agreed, grabbing Merlin’s hand, “but what I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> know, is that </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>Merlin would never hurt anyone if there was another choice, and that’s enough for me”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You still don’t know-“ Merlin protested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you love me, Merlin?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the sudden question, Merlin quietened. His eyes were hard with determination when he nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even though you know what I’ve done? Who I’ve killed?” Merlin nodded, looking resigned as he figured out where this was going. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” Merlin whispered it like a promise, like a prayer. Arthur cupped his cheeks in his hands, all too aware that he was holding something precious, something breakable. </span>
  <span>It was Arthur’s job to protect Merlin, even from himself. So he wrapped his arms around Merlin’s neck, resting his forehead against his. Merlin’s eyes were wide, vulnerable and scared. Arthur swore he would do anything to keep Merlin from being scared ever again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then, why don’t you tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin made a sound at the back of his throat, like it pained him to hear those words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” Arthur whispered, even though he wanted to shout it. Merlin closed the space between them. He kissed Arthur with desperate hunger as if their time was running out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they had time, all their lives if Arthur had anything to say about it. His thoughts travelled for a second to the little box hidden away in his desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, they pulled apart. Merlin’s lips twitched into a hesitant smile as they stared at each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Your </span>
  </em>
  <span>Merlin, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>My </span>
  </em>
  <span>Merlin” Arthur agreed, leaning over and leaving the ghost of a kiss on Merlin’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin hummed happily, leaning forward to capture Arthur’s lips once more. He could feel Merlin’s magic now, enveloping them both in a soft embrace, warming Arthur’s body like sunlight, caressing his skin as gentle as a breeze. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur pushed him down onto the mattress, where he proved to Merlin just how much he loved him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The little ring box in his desk drawer could wait for a little, Arthur decided. After all, they had all the time in the world.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tbh I'm so sleep-deprived I honestly don't have anything else to say. I'm going to take a nap now :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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